WARNING!!! If hungry do not read!

I LOVE THE FALL! The fall is by far my favorite time of the year ( I know that it isn't quit the fall yet but close enough!). I love everything about it, the fresh food, the smell, the colors, the temperature, the clothing, the excitement of starting school, everything! So I have actually decided that I really rather like canning I find something relaxing and refreshing knowing that you took something that was essentially free and made it into something that will feed your family all winter, and be absolutely delicious on top of that! I always kind of shied away from it because I thought it was too hard but it is surprisingly easy, and besides it is something new to love about the fall.

So this years I took these fresh from our garden (and the mountains in the case of the huckleberries):

and made them into this:

4 quarts huckleberry/raspberry jam

2 quarts strawberry jam

2 quarts mixed berry jam

Malana liked them too, eating them rather than canning them :)

Remember this from last year?

Well we still have applesauce from then, so we decided to juice the apples this year and made this:

4 quarts of apple juice

12 quarts of apple cider

As well as trying my hand at this:

My first apple pie! oh so easy and oh so yummy!

And last but not least, our FIRST of many fall meals, BBQ'ed corn straight from the garden, fresh peaches and chicken all outside on our deck, in the perfect fall weather, Oh how I LOVE THE FALL!

a sad day in Infertility

So, on Saturday I cleaned and put away Malana's high chair, and I must admit it was a sad day. Three years ago I hoped that I wouldn't have to put any of my baby things away, that after I had Malana the babies would just keep on coming. She is getting BIG. I cannot believe that she is almost three, and at times my heart almost breaks thinking that she will be at least four or older before we have another if we do ever have another one. Sometimes I have to stop and think, maybe this is the only time that I will get to experience potty training, or maybe this is the only time that I will have a little girl who loves dressing up, and I try to remember to savor every moment because it may be the only time that I experience it. This is a recent feeling for me because I really did think that we wouldn't have trouble getting pregnant again. I can't even explain to you the pain, heartache, and uncertainty that comes along with infertility. Each and every month you get your hopes up (sometimes secretly because you don't want anyone to know how disappointed you are), and each and every month your hopes are dashed. Your mind can't help but wonder, why God? Am I not good enough? Did I not pray hard enough? What am I doing wrong? Now don't get me wrong I came to grips with this when we were trying to have Malana and I have a firm testimony that God answers prayers and that he is mindful of my circumstance but that sometimes life just has to happen, and he can't or won't interfere, but doubt still creeps in every once in a while. Now I say this because I am SO tired of hearing "well it will happen in God's time"or "I am sure that God has something in mind for you", NOT HELPFUL. nor is "well so and so tried this" or "so and so tried that", I am not them, NOT HELPFUL. (although I do enjoy hearing others success' just don't suggest that the same thing will work for me) or especially "well maybe if you just exercise or ate better or did this or did that" NOT HELPFUL, think about what you are saying, you are saying that infertility is my fault because I am doing something wrong or not doing something right. I know that you are just trying to help solve the problem, but trust me I have already thought of all of these things, I don't need you to fix my problem I just want a shoulder to cry on. I don't write these things to scare you off or to make it so that you just don't say anything, I tell you this so that you will be mindful when others are experiencing the same thing and I do appreciate when people are curious and ask how things are going. WHEW, now that being said, for those who are curious, I went off of the fertility medication about three months ago, because 1.) I was tired of the emotional roller coaster that comes along with the medications 2.) Travis was down to twenty hours at work there for a while and we were looking for things to cut and the $30-a-month medication was an easy thing to cut. So I am going to call the doctor today ( I have been dreading this!) to start up on the medication again...blech (since I have been off of it I have lost ten pounds and I am not looking forward to gaining it back!), I have also started to explore adoption a little more seriously (it is not nearly as expensive as I thought, which is why we haven't pursued it before, but I found out that through LDS social services it is only ten percent of your yearly income), but neither Travis nor I feel like adoption is the right option at this point, but maybe in the future. So that is where we stand. Thanks to everyone who offers support and for your prayers, I really do appreciate it. I think that this may have come off a little harsh, so please know that I DO appreciate your concerns and your want to help, and support us, it would hurt worse than all of the above mentioned things if people just didn't say anything or didn't care at all. And that is where we stand, so here we go again.

Old friends, parades, huckleberries and dogs!

We have had a busy couple of weeks, Travis went to Scout Camp on Wed. so Malana and I headed down to Pocatello. Chelsea was visiting from Oklahoma so we were going to all (my friends from High School) get together on Friday night but Lacey had to go to Vegas and Nicole wasn't able to make it either. So we got together with Lacey(Chelsea and I) on Wed. and then Mary, Chelsea and I got together on Friday night. We had a really good time getting caught up and enjoyed seeing each other.

L-R: Me, Malana (up) Chelsea, Geryn, (down) Mason, Mary and Aleah

On Saturday my parents were the "grand marshals" for the Chubbuck days parade so we all bundled up and endured the rain for the very commercialized (but lots and lots of candy) parade.

Cute Ty, Cute!

We also went huckleberry picking and after two hours had picked three cups but it sure makes yummy jam.

This is Malana's idea of picking she picked and ate, she only lasted about twenty minutes and then I went and sat in the car with her and she did allot of whats in the bottom picture needless to say I think that that is the last time that we will take her with us!

Then we went and picked up Travis' new puppy that his mom bought for him. He was in LOVE. Travis has always been a dog person (I have NOT) and he told me when we were dating that we would have a dog at some point, so I knew it was inevitable.

The dog is 8 weeks old and is a purebred Wiemaraner(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weimaraner), I have to admit she is pretty cute. However Rue doesn't agree and anytime they are around each other it is like world war III. So we have narrowed the dogs name down to a few options :

Lilly

Daisy

Rain

Nala
Kanga

what do you think?

Kittens and bags!

Rue had her kittens on Tuesday morning. She had four, two orange and two grey. I think they are pretty cute! Now comes the hard part of finding homes for them, so if you or someone you know wants one PLEASE let me know!!!! Malana loves them but is also very jealous! If I look at them she gets down and says "meow, meow , I'm a kitty mommy!"

"I just wanna get a LITTLE closer mommy!"

"I a kitty mommy! meow meow" a.k.a. Don't look at the kittens look at me!!! Heaven help if we ever have another kid!

Malana is so funny, lately she wants to always be wearing a "princess dress" which is pretty much any dress. She also has to have all of her bags, that she has stuffed to the hilt with all of her toys. Silly girl!