stability - or lack thereof.

         Last Sunday Travis came home from his young mens meeting with a huge smile on his face and laughing 

"what is the one calling you said you never wanted?" 

 "Young women, Why?" 

 "oh no reason"

 "Travis I am going to beat you up if you don't tell me why?!?"

 then he told me that the bishop pulled him aside and asked him if we could work it out (with Malana) if they gave me a calling in young women and kept Travis in YM.   

        Today i got called as the Miamaid advisor.  I am sure that I will enjoy it, I am just nervous about relating to the girls and knowing how to teach them. This is my fourth calling in three years, and I do look forward to having the stability of being in this calling for a while. I am not sure how we will work out the situation with Malana, but I am sure that we will find a way!  I thought I was safe with Travis in YM's, I guess not!  It could be worse, the girl who got called as the new primary pres. is my age!  She will do great, I am just glad it's not me!

       I have been distressed about the fertility situation lately.  I don't know what is up with my body but it definitely has some issues.  The testing that we have been doing is all over the charts, ovulating one month not the next etc..., taking clomid makes me feel like a menopausal women, i get hot flashes like crazy, cold, then hot, cold then hot rotating about every half an hour, SO not fun. along with some other not so fun things that I will spare you the details of. let's just say the process is horrible!  The emotional factor has been contributing to things too, in my mind I have had this silent count down, I really wanted to have another one before Malana turned five, so that they would only be four years apart in school rather than five years apart, which means I only have about four months to get pregnant if I want to give birth before she turns five.  Five years!!!!!  I never wanted to have my kids this far apart!!!!!!  Ughh... 

           Travis' job has also been hit and miss, he will go to pick up a client and the mom will say "oh, I sent them to their dad's for two weeks" - translation - Travis is going to be ten hours short for the next week which also means that he will not get paid for said ten hours!  So frustrating. We also thought that he was going to be moving more into the counseling aspect, which means almost doubling his wage, but the counselor who was leaving for a different job got cold feet and decided to stay.  So if you know of any well paying master level social work jobs, let us know, at this point we are willing to move but we would like to stay within a days drive of Idaho.

          As I wrote all of these things, I realized that there is one common theme, a lack of stability and predictability.  Four callings in three years, not knowing when, or if we will ever have another child as well as the things that we are doing coming up with inconclusive results, and Travis' job not being what we expected it to be, and his hours being all over the place which means no financial stability either.  My stomach ties in knots just thinking about it. If you have any ideas for making things seem more stable, and less stressful, I would totally welcome them.

P.S. I am sorry that my blog is so depressing lately, I am normally pretty happy, this is just my venting method, life really is good- for the most part ;)

P.P.S. Travis told me when we got home from church that my breath smelled putrid, so if you had to sit by me in any of the classes I am sorry for directing my breath your way, especially after talking to so many people, because of the above mentioned calling - embarrassing! ( I promise I brushed my teeth!)